How does a man define his sexuality

When you first meet a woman and you both don’t know each other that well yet, you may be wondering… what kind of girl is she? Does she want a casual relationship, or is she looking for something serious? Is she open minded about having sex the first night, or does she have moral judgments about that sort of thing?

The good news is – she doesn’t know any of these things about you either. So it is up to you to present yourself in the light that you want to be seen in… to set your very own relationship expectations... and to put the relationship in the context of your choice.

For example, I once had a friend who was looking for a wife. He met a girl on the internet, and when I saw the two of them together, she seemed to be exactly what one might want in a wife: conservative, loyal, “hard-to-get” and trustworthy.

The question is, however: did she just present herself that way because my friend had subcommunicated his expectations?

What if I had been the one to meet her on that dating site instead of him… and what if I had told her that I enjoy my single life?

What if I had implied that I was a sexual man - that I think casual sex is fun, healthy and perfectly okay?

You can bet MONEY that she would have presented herself in a very different light indeed… and that an entirely different relationship would have resulted from the first date.

So the question is… what kind of relationship do YOU want?

I’m guessing that you want sex to be a part of the relationship… and if that’s the case, read on. There are only nine things you can subtly clarify on a date, and if you do it right, she will likely be fine with a casual liaison.

In fact, even if you’re looking for a girlfriend or something more serious, it’s still a good idea to start that relationship very passionately.

Later, when you look back on the weeks when you first met, you want to be able to say that you were so crazy about each other that you couldn’t resist… and that your love story started off with a bang!

Also, once you’ve had sex with a girl, the questions of WHETHER and WHEN to sleep together is finally off the agenda, and you can just be normal around each other. Now you can get to know her without this question looming over your heads.


The Secrets of the Sexual Man

Of course it would neither be very smooth nor very elegant to come right out and tell her: “Listen, I just want to have sex with you, and nothing serious.”

It’s a much better idea to have a conversation about relationships, and let her get a feel for what you value implicitly.

As I mentioned, there are a few things you might want to subtly communicate, if you want to have a guilt-free sexual relationship with her – no matter whether you want this relationship to potentially get more serious later on, or not.

Of course, you might not share these values… and I don’t suggest that you should be deceptive. But if some of the following points make sense to you, communicate them to the women you meet. You will find that some of these words are almost akin to “Open Sesame”… if you catch my drift!


1. Jealousy

Now, you could smack a woman over the head and tell her that you don’t want to date her exclusively, and that you will be sleeping with other women.

But unless she’s so open-minded that her brains are almost falling out… making a girl jealous like this is probably not going to go over very well.

Something you can do instead is to simply ask her in a skeptical tone of voice whether she’s the jealous type… and tell her that you don’t like jealousy because it only ruins everything.

You can even tell her a story about a situation where that happened. Mention that you’re not jealous either, and that you don’t like jealous people.

She will understand… women aren’t as THICK as men when it comes to implicit communication.


2. The Nymph In Her

Have you ever heard of Nancy Friday?

She was a feminist author who wrote profound volumes exploring the female sex drive.

She even interviewed a great number of women about their sexual fantasies… and if you have any doubts WHATSOEVER that women are AT LEAST as sexual as men… grab a copy of one of her books.

I should warn you though…  if you have never been exposed to this idea, her books might shatter the entire matrix for you… and you know they can’t plug you back in once you have taken the red pill!

You have been warned.

The bottom line is - communicate subtly that you’re aware of this fact, that you're a sexual man who loves sexual women, and she won’t have to worry that you might have hang-ups around female sexuality… which will obviously make it a lot easier for her to share her wild and sensual side… with YOU.


3. Screw Society

So if women are so sexual and have the same desires and fantasies as men do… then how come they never seem to show it?

How come they act as if they don’t really like sex, or at least not early on and not with guys they don’t know that well?

The reason is simple - there is a lot of social pressure on women to appear “proper”.

If you’ve ever had a girl resist your physical escalation in bed with the words: “Nooo… I’m decent… I’m a good girl” – then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

(And of course that same girl was most likely doing the naughty with you 30 minutes later… so you KNOW it’s just a front.)

The social, historical, biological and evolutionary reasons why women have to act this way would go far beyond the scope of this article… for now, you just need to know that they exist, and communicate to her that you GET this.

Tell her that you think society’s rules about sex are for sheep and meant to be broken… and that you believe it’s much better to listen to instinct and follow your emotions.

Homework: With the next ten women you meet, try to steer the conversation in the direction of relationships and make sure you convey your values to them as described above… in NLP, this is called “setting frames.”

I’d be curious to hear what kinds of results you get!


4. Open Your Mind

So, women often feel they have to present themselves as proper and almost prudish… they eternally have to worry about society’s judgment.

There is another fear she might have though, and it’s related to this one – she might also worry about YOUR judgment of her.

Will you think she’s an easy slut if she goes to bed with you the first night?

Will you think that very sexual and passionate girls are not good “relationship material” or even “marriage material”?

Will she never hear from you again if she goes to bed with you too soon?

This is even a concern for girls who aren’t looking for anything serious… because she might at least want to keep that option open. Besides – nobody likes to be judged, or feel used.

So when the topic comes to relationships in your conversation with her, hint that you’re a sexual man: that you’re very open-minded, that you don’t judge other people for their sexual choices, and that you value these traits in others you spend time with as well.


5. HELP! - The Female AGGRESSOR

Many women are also afraid to show interest and how they feel about a guy, or to even go so far as to make a move.

Of course for many men, this would be a dream come true – having a hot girl take the initiative and making things happen!

At the same time, there are also many men who would think less of her for being too “forward”.

You can put her mind at ease by simply letting her know how much you value women who know what they want… and who aren’t afraid to take it.

Personally I believe that the words “easy” and “slut” are weapons that WOMEN made up to give each other a hard time, and that most MEN wouldn’t mind if girls were a bit more aggressive… but other women might fear the competition!

They are often the ones who use these social judgments to keep each other in check.

So feel free to steal this idea… and you will likely hear the laughter of recognition as you tell her about this little theory of mine.


6. Shhh… it’s a SECRET!

As I mentioned above, women fear judgment from society as well as from you… but there is a third element: They also fear judgment from their PEERS.

No girl would like to hook up with a guy who is going to kiss and tell, only to have it come back to her the next day when all her friends are already gossiping about how “easy” she is!

This is especially important if the girl you want to hook up with is in your social circle, or if you have acquaintances in common… make sure she understands that you’re not the type to brag about his conquests.

As the saying goes in Europe: “What happens between two people, only four eyes shall see.”

Let her know.


7. The Power of NOW

You don’t need to pull Eckhart Tolle quotes out of your sleeve while you’re on a date, but if you like to live life spontaneously and on the spur of the moment, show her.

A sexual man does something spontaneous on the date, tells her about a trip he went on without planning anything, or outright tells her he believes in living every moment as if it was his last!

As the great lothario James Dean used to say: “Dream as if you will live forever… Live as if you will die today.”

A few years ago I almost died in a car crash… and that day, I started to really understand the meaning of that quote.

I swore to myself that from now on, I would never let any of life’s golden opportunities pass me by… ever again. And that I’d much rather regret something I did – rather than having to regret something I did NOT do.

Paint your life in these colors and pull her into that reality… and it will be much more likely that the sparks will fly between the two of you TONIGHT… and also that she will be less inclined to “put things off.”


8. No More Bridget Jones

Why would anybody be sad about being single? Being single is awesome… I love it.

Do you?

If you do, make sure to let her know about it. (Again, don’t take this too far… be classy.)

But if you don’t communicate this, she will assume that you MIGHT be looking for a serious relationship. (Stop laughing, it’s possible!)

And if she makes that assumption and wants a relationship too, she might decide to take it slow… in order not to “ruin things.”

Now personally, I believe that moving fast with women and getting intimate very quickly does the opposite of ruining a relationship… it sets the right passionate tone early on. I’ve often found that relationships that start out lukewarm never really pick up enough heat to catch on FIRE… at least not quite the same way.

But not everybody thinks that way… and it can’t hurt to share your thoughts on this topic with her.

I would even tell her that labeling relationships isn’t a good idea – and that most relationships fail exactly BECAUSE people get into them too quickly. This creates false expectations, because it’s easy to project on a person one doesn’t even really know that well yet.

This helps to inoculate against the cling-ons – and you don’t want to play Captain Kirk in the bedroom!


9. It wasn’t me

Men spend so much time agonizing about the perfect pickup. About the perfect way to “game” a girl. About the right lines, the perfect date to take her on and the best moment to kiss her.

All the while, most guys never put two and two together and realize – girls are gaming US too.

They read women’s magazines with “ten little tricks to make him want you”, they spend a fortune on lipsticks and eye liner, and they play hard to get precisely because they hope it will make us want them more.

She, too… has an agenda. And if she’s flirting with you, her agenda is likely to hook up with you.

What a concept!

As Hitch already pointed out years ago – at that point, it’s only a question of not screwing it up.

Now here is where this gets really interesting: As she starts thinking about doing naughty things to you, this will become subtly apparent in her behavior… in things she says, and in her gestures and mannerisms.

Make sure you catch a few of those… and bring them to her attention.

Ask her why she just looked at you so seductively and whimsically tell her to stop!

Or ask her why she just tossed her hair back.

Tell her tongue-in-cheek to stop trying to seduce you, because it’s making you uncomfortable! ;)

If you do this a few times, she won’t be able to deny to herself anymore that she is in fact trying to seduce you… and this is a much better context for a date than the standard frame… which is: the guy is trying to get into HER pants, and SHE’S trying to stop him.

Alright, if you do your homework after reading our third point on being a sexual man, try to steer the conversation to three more of these pieces with the next ten women you meet… and then try the final three after that.

If you do the exercise, you will eventually be comfortable enough to put all nine together, or to mix and match them as you see fit… and your dates will quite often wrap up with a happy ending.

Onward and upward,